Lilac

The purple lilacs grew at the end of my street. I would pass them everyday on my way to the school bus stop each morning, and every afternoon on my way back home. The fragrance filled the air and can be smelled all the way from the other end of the block.

I remember how the smell filled my nostrils as the golden retriever who was almost as big as me would try to follow me. Not being used to large animals, I would always mistaken his friendliness for hostility. Little did I know, he just wanted to be my friend.

A man in a shiny two-door gold car soon began to wait at the bus stop each morning. He was too old to be in school and had no children to drop off either. He must have been as intrigued by the smell of the lilacs just as I was. His presence at the bus stop became an everyday thing. He wouldn’t speak or anything. He would only stare as he sat in his car.

A cat’s tail.

I remember a cat’s tail had begun to protrude from the man’s lap. I knew that my mind was playing tricks on me. A cat’s tail would stick out from the man in the shiny two-door car, but there was no cat in sight. I would rudely watch as the man would stroke the tail with the most sinister grin  across his face.

The lilacs’ smell grew stronger and stronger each day. It even started to become hard to bare.

The lilacs no longer had the ability to put a smile on my face or brighten up my day.

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Hollow

I’m a hollow being;

hollow arms, legs, and feet.

I’m simply an intellectual

of skin and of bone

watching everyone fully experience life

through this cracked window pane,

waiting to be whole,

waiting for my chance

now to be on the outside

looking in

with curiosity-filled eyes

and wandering hands;

feeling the window’s glass with a cautious touch

hair bewildered with experience

breath heavy with play.

yes, I long to be there

but instead I’ve become

the Havisham of my time.

A tarnished gown now

the color of Gilman’s wallpaper

skin sunken with decay.

The fire is near

and I can’t help but embrace it

rather than escape.

 

 

 

My Dream’s a Reality

My Dream’s a Reality

An Earthquake erupted out of the stillness

As I was comfortably reading a classic

The four walls around me danced and trembled

Onto the ground fell all of my belongings

In an orderly disaster

I quickly ran to the next room

Where my lover sat

Comfortably and undisturbed as if nothing was happening

The quake has gotten worst. He looks up to where I stand

A short smile

Does he know that we’re in danger?

Graduation Doubts

It’s the summer going into my senior year of college and I’m having mixed feelings about the last two semesters to come. As much as I’d love to hurry up and graduate, and is ready to take on whatever the real world has to throw at me, part of me want it to last just a little while longer.

I’m currently working a mundane summer job that doesn’t give me enough hours to pay my tuition, and I’m finding it extremely difficult to land any type of interview, whether it be for another summer job, internship, or freelance work. Right now, I’m looking for any freelance work to get my name out there and build my portfolio.

I’m nervous to finish my senior year because I’m uncertain if I’ll land the right job for me. I have an interest in both journalism and publishing. I have a love of both, but my real passion is to work in publishing. I just don’t want to end up working a 9-5 job that makes me regret waking up each morning.

On the bright side of this post, I have no doubts that I’ll find a job as soon as I graduate. There are plenty of newspapers and publishing companies around for at least one of them to offer me a full time job. I think I’m a fairly good writer and plan to spend my senior year perfecting the skill.

As I’m writing this post, I’m wondering why I had any doubts about graduating at all. I’m ganna do great and have much success in the real world.

Atheism in the Black Community

When you hear the term, “black community”, it is usually associated with “the black church”. The black community is known for having strong religious beliefs and affiliations, and as wrong as it is, are oftentimes defined by just that. One can only imagine the shock upon hearing about a black atheist, especially from people of the community itself.

It is one thing to be an atheist in this country today. It is another to be an atheist in the black community.

Growing up with Christian values, I was always taught that I must believe in God no matter what. Atheists to me were considered to be ungodly devil-worshippers who were going straight to hell. However, as explained in my earlier post, “On Losing My Faith”, I began to become more open-minded after my first  year of college. I started to question all of the things that I was not allowed to when I was younger. I soon found myself abandoning Christianity altogether around the second semester of my sophomore year. During the second semester of my junior year was when I began to associate myself with atheism which isn’t the easiest thing to do in today’s society. I’ve noticed a lot that when the going gets tough, people turn to faith rather than affirmative action. When a natural disaster hits, the world is quick to “pray for___”. Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against people’s beliefs, I’m just addressing the exclusion I feel in today’s society.

In particular, I do no feel that I fit in with the black community at all. I haven’t even informed my family of my change in religious affiliations or lack of, and I doubt I will be able to come out to them about this for a very long time. The only person close to family that I’ve spoken to about it was my best friend a few days ago. After I came out to her, she was really surprised and I can tell that she was also a little disappointed. I can see why she felt the way she did though. As I’ve stated before, I grew up with Christian values and I was taught that any person believing in anything other than that was wrong, which is one of the reasons why I decided to stray away from religion in the first place. I’ve found, that in organized religion, oftentimes there is more harbored hatred than love.

Because the community has such strong attachment to Christianity, I don’t think I will be welcomed with open arms. One of the main things I noticed is that black people turn to their faith in God because of the amount of misfortunes that gets encountered on a daily basis. During the days of slavery, black people would use Christianity as a way to keep going. They believed that God would eventually bless them after all that they’ve gone through. The same thing can be said in today’s society. It’s a common notion that God will not put you through anything you cannot handle. When the black community faces adversary, they rely on God to get them through it.

And then there’s me. I would rather take responsibility for all of my actions, whether they be good or bad. I think this was another lead forces in putting me on to atheism.

The point of this little rant was to express my feelings towards being an atheist in the black community and my concern of being ostracized for it. One day I will have the confidence to talk to my family and more of my friends about it, but until now, I will keep it to myself.