So You Think You Used Her For Sex, Eh?

Today, someone told me (rather proudly) they used a sex worker for a “quick fuck.” As fine and dandy as that may be, I had to quickly intervene and correct his statement. I told him that there’s no way anyone can ever use a sex worker for sex. Why? Well for starters, it’s their job to have sex with you. They, of course, pick and choose their clientele, but in general, it’s literally their job to have sex with you. You walk in, pay them, do whatever you two agree to, and then you leave. That’s that.

Now, to think of the actual act of “using” a person for something, there has to be some sort of persuasion or manipulation involved. To use someone for sex is to approach someone who had not been particularly keen on screwing you, (but is open to the possibility with enough convincing) and plant the idea of having sex with you into their mind. Once planted, you would then continue to say or do whatever you need to do (oftentimes involving making false or empty promises and playing mind games with someone’s emotions) to gain their trust so they will agree to consensual sex.

So I told him that you simply cannot use someone for sex who doesn’t even give two fucks about you. There’s  no type of persuasion, no strategy, no nothing. He then retorted that the use was mutual; implying that he used her for sex while she used him for money, which is completely impossible. Again, the act of using someone takes persuasion, manipulation and deceit. I don’t understand how someone can use a paying customer for their money; there’s no deceit in this case. She didn’t have to promise anything or try to convince him to cough up his hard-earned cash; he sought her. He paid for a mutually beneficial service.

Moreover, here’s my advice to any guy trying to make themselves feel better by attempting to portray someone in a negative light: just don’t; or at least don’t come to me with that nonsense. You’re not using anyone for sex. You’re just trying to justify your act. Why you think it’s more noble to pay for sex than to (willingly) offer services, I’ll never know. But there’s probably a reason why the only sex you can get is from the sex that you have to pay for.

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The Golden Age

Oh the fifties! The golden age. the time when men ruled the world and women were still trying to find and establish their own identities at home and in the workplace. It was a great time to be alive if you were a cis white male American. But unfortunately, despite their tireless efforts, women were still being treated like second-class citizens; especially women of color. Jobs were lousy, with the pay being even worse; and men were unapologetically disrespectful. Women’s virtues were always in question for the slightest offenses and quite frankly, between the scare of communism and people’s insecurities, the fifties might as well have been Salem, Massachusetts during the witch trials.  

But today’s day and age is terrifyingly similar. With the help of social media platforms, trying to shape a woman into the perfect wife has become quite easy. Where the fifties used advertising to tell a woman how she should dress and behave, we now have degrading memes and videos. Men will deliberately go out of their way to announce “shit bitches say or do,” all the while trying to prevent their future wives or partners from doing the same things.

Nowadays, I can’t even scroll through my facebook feed without coming across a video of a man dressed as a woman, parading around trying to capture what they believe are women’s flaws. Today, the internet is filled with videos of guys dressing like me, believing to have been acting in a way I do. They’ll throw on a cheap wig and some makeup, and think they know everything there’s to know about being a woman. But the humility doesn’t end there.

Just last week a saw a guy post a picture of himself with a gun, but not even 24 hours later write a status saying that it’s not cute to be a “hoodrat” woman. I was baffled. The same guy that would rather use a deadly weapon because he is too insecure to use his words when faced with conflict would look down on a woman with a colorful weave or is outspoken? I guess it’s more virtuous to play God and take a life than to be eccentric and creative.

I also often come across the bashing of the twerkers or the women who enjoy going out to bars and clubs on the weekends to have fun (which is underlyingly bashing black culture BTW. You don’t see people tearing down a white woman who dances off key, ballerinas, or any other type of dance from different cultures). We can’t even have fun anymore, ladies, without having a man try to make us feel bad about it. The same guys going out on their little outings are shaming the women who are doing the same things they do. So what if a woman feels more comfortable wearing less clothing than your average individual, or wear makeup to feel prettier or shakes her ass to show love and appreciation for being alive? Are those women any different from the women who stay in every weekend because of social anxiety, cover more areas of their bodies, or doesn’t wear any makeup? Does that make one woman any better than the next?

Oh, and don’t get me started on the college-educated woman vs. the non-college-educated woman. Having a degree does not make someone better than someone else. Because those people still have problems and obstacles in their lives just as they would if they had never gotten an education.

Truth is, unless you truly identify as a woman, there’s no way to actually know what is really is like to be, you know, a woman. And even if you do identify as a being a woman, there’s still no way to generalize the entire female experience. But I do think it’s time to reclaim our century. I think it’s time we finally acknowledge each individual’s differences that makes them unique, not better than anyone else. Everyone has a path they’re following in life. It’s not up to us to judge them or put them down just because we don’t agree with it or just because you want to mold someone to fit your needs.

So, I think it’s time to call men out on their bullshit, and stop entertaining these demeaning stereotypes of what women are like from the male perspective. You might get called a “bitch” for doing so, but whatever. I’m sure you’ve been called worse by an insecure, overly-sensitive male trying to nurse a broken ego.